Tomorrow is the 1 yr anniversary of my grandpa's death and then 6 days later is the 1yr anniversary of grandma's death. I can't believe it has been a year already. It seems like it was just yesterday. I remember exactly what I was doing, what I was wearing, how I felt, I even remember the smells in the air, at the very moment the dreaded phone call came.
The last few days have been so difficult. Granted- the lack of sleep makes my emotions that much worse and I've suffered with depression for years; but WOW!!!! (really wish I could take my happy pills) So not expecting the emotions I've been experiencing. I feel bad for my family having to deal with my grumpiness, the crying, the lack of patience.....Unfortunately I can't just run away and hide. Nope-I have to keep it together.
I wasn't thinking and scheduled an appointment for a health checkup tomorrow. Based on the results-the insurance coverage/company reimbursement is decided for the upcoming year. Great! Not looking forward to the day to begin with and now I'm going to be told my BMI is too high, my waist circumference is too high, I'm overweight, and I could be skinnier (doesn't matter that I had a baby 16wks ago). Keep a happy face---Keep a happy face.
I don't know what I was expecting: maybe that the loss wouldn't still hurt so much. I still smell grandma in my house at random times and places--causes tears to run down my face. Tonight I saw a hummingbird and than there was some beautiful lightning--these made me think of grandpa; again tears flowed freely.
I'm so thankful for the many years I had with both of them and the memories I get to hold onto. I'm also so thankful for the beautiful tribute video my aunt put together: when I'm having a really hard time-I watch it: have a good cry and end up smiling.
I sure do miss you grandpa and grandma!!!
